


Step into the Black and White

by MaryLestrange



Category: Hatchetfield Universe - Team StarKid
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, The Black and White (Black Friday)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryLestrange/pseuds/MaryLestrange
Summary: A rewrite of the scenes in Black Friday that happen outside of Hatchetfield, removing the president and shifting the focus to the peip agents. The idea was to make a more logical plan and explore a bit more the peip agents and their dynamics, without changing the plot points of the story.
Relationships: Background Xander Lee/John McNamara
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Step into the Black and White

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I love Howard and all, but i don't think it makes a lot of sense to send the completely unprepared president into the b&w, it feels like a plan doomed to fail. So i challenged myself to rewrite those scenes from the script, and I made some rules for it: I had to deliver the same informations, hit the same overarching plot points, and have the same length for the scenes.   
> This is the result, I hope you enjoy!

**ACT 1**

**SCENE 8**

_ The stage continues in darkness. A jingle for a breaking news station runs under the voice of newscaster CARL MASON. _

CARL MASON (JON)

This is Carl Mason, coming to you live from New York with continuing coverage of what’s already being called the Black Friday from Hell. From the Mall of America to Macy’s Herald Square, reports are flooding in of violent riots breaking out at retailers of all sizes. With mayors and governors pleading to the federal government for aid, speculation swirls as to whether or not president Howard Goodman will declare a national state of emergency.

_ The television noises switch off. Lights up on the PEIP headquarters. We see peeps coming and going about their work, all looking busy. On the center of the stage, COLONEL SCHAFFER stands with AGENT SAWYER, a new peep who looks a bit out of their depth. SCHAFFER steps closer and pats their back. _

SCHAFFER

You got lucky, huh, Agent Sawyer? A nation wide crisis right in your first week as my intern…

SAWYER

Wait, are we really sure this is supernatural? Isn't it just shopper mania?

SCHAFFER

We're quite positive, yes. There is a creature at work here, and a powerful one, for the looks of it. 

SAWYER

So this creature comes… from one of the other dimensions we know of, right?

SCHAFFER

Yes, and no. This one seems to come from…

_ Before finishes the sentence, XANDER LEE leaves what he was working on upstage to come into the conversation downstage. _

XANDER

Colonel Schaffer, I have bad news. 

_ XANDER notices SAWYER there and smiles at them. _

XANDER

Oh, hello! You're the new peep, right? Welcome to the madness, pal! I'm Xander Lee, nice to meet you.

_ They shake hands, SAWYER looks a bit dumbfounded by Xanders's fast talking. _

__ SCHAFFER

What is the news, Agent? 

XANDER

We just confirmed that we are in fact dealing with the entity we've known as the ruler.

SAWYER

Wait, what? What do you mean, ruler? Sorry, I'm lost here...

_ SCHAFFER sighs, not in the mood to teach with this crisis in her hands. _

SCHAFFER

We don't have the time to do a whole history lesson now, Sawyer. I will cover the essentials and will not repeat myself. Do you understand?

SAWYER

Yes, sir.

SCHAFFER

13 years ago, PEIP made a portal to a place outside all dimensions, a sea of physic energy that we call the Black and White. 

XANDER

General McNamara's mentor, Wilbur Cross, stepped through that portal, and came out a raving lunatic. He pledged his undying loyalty to the forces within, and disappeared soon after.

SAWYER

Wow, that's heavy.

_ SCHAFFER glares at both of them. _

SCHAFFER

Since then, we've known of an entity that currently rules the Black and White, but only now he revealed his name, Wiggly.

SAWYER

The doll?

XANDER

The doll’s only part of it. What, you don’t remember your Catechism class? The father’s the son, the son’s the father. Wiggly rules on high in the black and white, but he also is the dolls. Bet you didn’t guess the, uh, Lord of Despair would be so cute and cuddly, did you?

_ SCHAFFER scoffs, SAWYER looks worried. _

SAWYER

Ok, but… why? What does he want?

XANDER

Sawie, wait can I call you Sawie? Sawie, listen, Wiggly wants us, he wants everything. He’s a knockin’ and he wants in. 

_ They get interrupted by a PIEP SARGENT, who enters running with a box in their hand.  _

SARGENT

I GOT IT! I GOT IT! 

_ The SARGENT stops before SCHAFFER to make a salute. _

SARGENT

Colonel, I was able to acquire a sample of the doll!

SCHAFFER

Good job, Sargent. Now, proceed with caution, we don't know the full extent of its power. 

But the  _ SARGENT is already opening the box and taking the Wiggly doll from it. A distorted, twisted version of “Carol of the Bells” plays. They gather around the doll, and look at it expectantly for a second. _

SAWYER

It doesn't do anything… it's just a fluffy little monster!

_ The SARGENT pets the doll. _

SARGENT 

And it has a fuzzy little tummy...

SCHAFFER

I don't think it's safe. In fact, I think I should be the one to hold it. Hand it here, Sargent.

_ SCHAFFER reaches for the doll, and the SARGENT snatches it closer to themselves, but XANDER steps in before she can reach the doll _

XANDER

Actually, Colonel, as the theoretical physicist here, I think I should be the one to hold it. I need to understand what we’re dealing with, and to do that…I need to hold him in my arms.

SAWYER

No, no, no, no this is too dangerous! As the lowest ranking agent here, I should be the one to take the risk!

_ The music grows louder and faster. They all reach for the doll, but the SARGENT steps away from them, holding the doll closer. The conversation grows hectic, loud, and fast-paced. _

SARGENT

That's all a bunch of bullshit! I was the one who got him, he's mine!

SCHAFFER

This is insubordination, Sargent! I am the goddamn Colonel here, and I order you to hand me that fucking doll!

XANDER

No, she's lost her mind, give  _ me _ the doll!

SAWYER

They're both insane! Give it to  _ me _ !

_ They all plunge forward. The SARGENT backs away further and steps onto a chair. The music swells even louder and more persistent.  _

SARGENT

NO! You just wanna steal him from me! Take one step closer to my friendy-wend and I’ll rip your fucking throat out with my own teeth!

SAWYER

He’s not your friendy-wend, he’s mine! I’m gonna tickle that doll!

XANDER

NO! He’s mine! Back off or I will use your face to test my molecular disintegrator!

SCHAFFER

SARGENT! Give me that COCK-SUCKIN’, MOTHER FUCKIN’, COCK-A-DOODLE DOOOOOOLL!

_ The music mimics that of “Feast or Famine” as chaos erupts within the PIEP Headquarters. The agents converge on the SARGENT, each screaming threats and groping for the Wiggly.  _

PIEP AGENTS:

Give it here!/ He’s my fwiendy-wend!/I’ll bite your nipple off!/Etc.

_ From the other side of the stage we see a figure enter with a gun. A gunshot knocks the Wiggly out of the Sargent's hands. The mysterious figure is revealed to be GENERAL JOHN MCNAMARA. After he shoots the Wiggly, the PIEP AGENTS collapse in various states of exhaustion and confusion. _

XANDER

Uh, oh my god, Sargent, are you alright?

SAWYER

I think I’m gonna vomit. 

_ SCHAFFER stands up and salutes the general. _

SCHAFFER

General McNamara, I— this was not supposed to happen…

_ It's the first time the audience sees Schaffer looking hesitant. MCNAMARA walks to center stage, smoking his cigarette and looking badass. _

MCNAMARA

No, Colonel, it really wasn't. 

_ MCNAMARA crouches down and takes the remainder of the doll in his hand. _

MCNAMARA

It's a testament to Wiggly's power, that even our best agents aren't immune to it. 

_ He looks reflective, and there's a second to make it sink in that he's talking about his mentor too. XANDER stands up and puts a hand on his shoulder. MCNAMARA snaps out of his thoughts and turns back to his peeps. _

MCNAMARA

This creature has designs on humanity far worse than any nightmare we can comprehend, and he is marshalling his power. If humanity is going to have any hope for survival, we will need to take action. 

SAWYER

What can we do, sir?

MCNAMARA

To borrow an expression, we're going to step out of the blue and into the black. 

####  **SONG 7: MONSTERS AND MEN**

MCNAMARA

Sometimes you gotta wake

And answer the call

Or fall

No need to raise the stakes

When you're on the wall

Stand tall

Sometimes you gotta fill your chest

Sometimes you gotta slow your breath

Sometimes you gotta step into the Black and White

And face the thing you dread

Sometimes you gotta stand on up

Sometimes you gotta make your case

Sometimes you gotta step into the Black and White

And needle that thread

'Cause there are monsters and there are men

There are monsters that live in your head

There are monsters that we all should dread

So join the fight

And try your might

Step in the Black and White

There are forces in this world

That mean you real harm

If your soul is unarmed

It is nothing on your phone

We need every hand

For a scrum that's undermanned

The truly good

Versus the truly bad

You'd better learn to discern it quickly, boys

It's the only chance we have

You'd better align your soul

With what's good and right

Join the only fight that's left

And scour the Black and White

For there are monsters and there are men

There are monsters that live in your head

It is the monsters who should live in dread

And fear our might

Join the fight

Into the Black and White

SAWYER, spoken

But how are we going in, sir?

MCNAMARA, spoken

Don't worry, soldier, I have a plan. 

MCNAMARA

Look me in the eye now, peeps

And make a solemn vow

To become your best self now

I know our opponent, peeps

Requires nothing less

Than your absolute best

SARGENT

It will be hard

XANDER

The world is pain and distraction

SCHAFFER

But there's occasions met

By lesser men

Who took the lead

MCNAMARA

It must be us

PEIP AGENTS

It must be us

MCNAMARA

Never take your badges lightly

PEIP AGENTS

Never take our badges lightly

MCNAMARA

You must fill your heart

Make good with God immediately

SAWYER

There are monsters and there are men

There are monsters that live in your head

WHOLE CAST

It is the monsters who shall live in dread

MCNAMARA

So, join the fight

XANDER

Against the real plight

WHOLE CAST

When monsters are real

You'd better forge a heart of steel

To cast the darkness from light

MCNAMARA

We've gotta step into the Black and White

  
  


_ Lights down. Act 1 ends. That was pwetty epic.  _

  
  


**ACT 2**

**SCENE 3**

_ Lights up on PEIP headquarters. We see XANDER LEE, MCNAMARA and SCHAFFER gathered, discussing strategy. _

XANDER

So, if our estimations are correct, these riots are just the beginning. Right now, Wiggly is culling the wheat from the chaff. And, when the only people left are his most devout followers, they will build him his birth canal. A portal, much more powerful than ours, large enough for Wiggly himself to cross through.

MCNAMARA

And when he does, he will remake creation to his liking. We are trying to stop the birth of a God.

SCHAFFER

So what is the plan? Is there any way we can find the people who will build this portal before they do it? 

MCNAMARA

Not that we know of. Right now, our only chance is to send someone through our own portal and try to negotiate with Wiggly. 

SCHAFFER

The only way he might negotiate is if we have a hydrogen bomb aimed at him.

MCNAMARA

You're right, Colonel, the greatest strategic value of nuclear weapons has always been deterrence. Wiggly is a being who has never contemplated his own annihilation. If threatened with such, he may retreat from our reality.

SCHAFFER

I'd like to volunteer to go innegotiation, sir.

MCNAMARA

No, I should be the one to go in. Both of you already succumbed to his doll today, we can't take any chances.

XANDER

There's a problem, John. The suit we've been developing isn't ready yet, and without it the human body can't survive the Black and White. Even in a best case scenario, it won't hold for more than 20 minutes.

MCNAMARA

It wouldn't be my first mission with limited time, Xander.

SCHAFFER

And what if you can't make it, sir?

_ MCNAMARA puts a hand on Schaffer's shoulder. _

MCNAMARA

Then you're in command, and your first act will be to deploy the bomb.

_ SCHAFFER nods, pursuing her lips in a failed attempt to not show emotion. XANDER isn't that cool headed. _

XANDER

John, no! There has to be another way! 

MCNAMARA

You know there's not, Xander. If there's a chance to save this reality, we need to try, no matter the cost.

XANDER

But what are we gonna do without you? What will I do?

MCNAMARA

Xander, you're the best damn field agent I’ve ever worked with. And you'll make a damn good Colonel. There's nobody better than the two of you to lead my peeps. 

**SONG 3: MONSTERS AND MEN (FIRST REPRISE)**

MCNAMARA (XANDER, one beat after)

I know it's hard

(It will be hard)

SCHAFFER

The world is pain and distraction

MCNAMARA

But there's occasions met

By lesser men

Who took the lead.

It must be me

XANDER AND SCHAFFER

It must be you

MCNAMARA

Never take your badges lightly

XANDER AND SCHAFFER

Never take our badges lightly

_ Unsung verse, the instruments get louder as they hug for the last time.  _

CHORUS, fading out

There are monsters and there are men

There are monsters that live in your head

There are monsters that we all should dread

_ Lights fade out. _

  
  


**SCENE 6**

_ MCNAMARA enters in an over the top looking space suit. He looks ridiculous. XANDER and SCHAFFER are coaching him about what is about to happen in the back. _

XANDER

Alright, General, beginning inter-dimensional convergence with the black and white. 

MCNAMARA

Copy, I'm ready. It's been an honor to serve with you two.

XANDER

John, don't— 

_ SCHAFFER touches XANDER's shoulder, and he takes a breath. _

XANDER and SCHAFFER

It's been an honor, sir.

SCHAFFER

Good luck, and Godspeed. 

_ The portal begins powering up as we hear a machine whirring. Lights flash. MCNAMARA is transported from the PEIP headquarters and into the… _

**SCENE 7**

_ The Black and White. It’s dark. All MCNAMARA can see is black… and white. He is alone _ . 

MCNAMARA

Xander, do you copy?

_ We hear XANDER over the radio _ . 

XANDER

Copy. What do you see?

MCNAMARA

I see blackness, only blackness. 

XANDER

Try and reach with your mind, but be careful.

_ MCNAMARA walks downstage, taking a steady stance. _

MCNAMARA

My name is General John McNamara from the United States Military. I demand to speak to the entity known as Wiggly. 

_ We hear a mysterious, but familiar voice coming from somewhere within the Black and White.  _

WILEY

Johnny… Johnny… Johnny… 

MCNAMARA

There's something reaching back, but I don't think it's Wiggly.

XANDER

They'll try to trap you there, John. You have to-

_ XANDER’S radio transmission gets cut off. _

MCNAMARA

Xander? I can’t hear you! Can you me?

XANDER

General? John? We’re losing him!

SCHAFFER

We can't afford that. Keep trying!

_ XANDER nods, operating the machines. Lights out on the PEIP H.Q., and we see WILEY standing in the audience, holding an apple and being creepy, per usual _ . 

WILEY

How you doin there Johnny?

MCNAMARA

I figured you'd be here.

WILEY

Do you know why it had to be a doll?

_ He takes a bite of his apple. _

MCNAMARA

I won't let you distract me with this. I'm here as a General of the United States Military, and I demand to speak to Wiggly.

_ WILEY cackles _ ,  _ sarcastically _ .

WILEY

The Military! Tell me John, do you still believe you are protecting anyone? I mean, really believe?

MCNAMARA

I'm not here to discuss what I do or don't believe. Take me to Wiggly, right now.

WILEY

But it  _ all _ boils down to belief, John! It’s a powerful thing. You see, people don’t believe in governments anymore. No matter who the masses vote for, they always get the same thing. The poorer get poorer and the rich, well, they just get richer. Swamped in student debt, credit card debt, medical bills, the people have been abandoned by everything! Everything except products!!

_ He does a very creepy laugh.  _

WILEY

That’s the only comfort they have left! And you, in the Government of the United States, you were one of Wiggly’s greatest allies. 

MCNAMARA

You're insane. This has nothing to do with me. I serve my nation and its people, and I'd never abandon them.

WILEY

Don't fool yourself, John, at the end of the day you only serve some president! And this nation of yours? It's rotten to the core, John! And you know it is! Only in America could Wiggly take root!

_ WILEY hands his apple to an audience member.  _

WILEY

Hold this. You think that in the Netherlands they’d give a shit about some toy? No, they’re too busy on their paid vacation, and the free healthcare. You empowered Wiggly, you invited him in! And now you come into his house, to make demands of him?

**SONG 5: MADE IN AMERICA**

WILEY

You thought that you could outsmart

The very thing that runs the blood of your kind?

You're sick with greed and a lust

For that, you will give up your will and your pride

You're hoping you will be saved

No matter what you have raised

Behold the depths of depravity and decay

It's happened on your watch

Your time is running out before worlds collide

You went and opened the box

And then He came in a slick little package

That drove you insane

'Cause your thirst for stuff

Is never slaked

And now the end is nigh, the apocalypse here

In a package that's not what it appears

You may ask why the doll, well that's all it takes

When you're made in America

In a valley of silicon

Welcome to Wiggly's shop

Your America assembly line

We've got toys and trucks and big fat butts

That'll help you pass the time

Hey kids, you know that you grow up

With all the crap you want

Just sprinkle it with dust

And a gob of fuckin' lust

And you wave your world goodbye

WILEY & SNIGGLES

Wiggly, wiggly

Wiggle, wiggly

Wiggly, wig-

Wa-wiggle, wiggle

Wiggly, wiggly (wiggle wiggle, wiggle wiggle, wiggle wiggle)

Wiggle, wiggly (wiggle wiggle, wiggle wiggle, wiggle wiggle)

Wiggly, wiggly, wig-

WIGGLY, spoken

Hello, Jonny-won. Welcome to Drowsy-Town.

MCNAMARA, spoken

It's you.

WIGGLY, spoken

Don't be roughy, you're my bestest buddy-wud.

MCNAMARA, spoken

I've come to tell you to leave our reality!

_ WIGGLY laughs _ . 

WIGGLY, spoken

Leave? Just before Christmas?

It's going to be my birthday, you know? I wouldn't want to miss out on opening all my presents

I think I'll start with you. I'm going to cut open your belly-well and deck the halls with your gutsy-wutsies! 

_ The SNIGGLES approach MCNAMARA menacingly. MCNAMARA steps back at first, but then squares his chest and stands his ground. _

MCNAMARA, spoken

Enough! Your minions may do me no harm, Wiggly, for I cut through them with a blade of truth. Begone!

_ The SNIGGLES hiss and yelp and back away from MCNAMARA and go to WILEY.  _

MCNAMARA, spoken

If you don't leave our reality, we will deploy a bomb into yours. Are you ready to face your destruction, creature?

_ WIGGLY laughs.  _

WIGGLY, spoken

That tickles.

WILEY, spoken

It's too late, John! Wiggly's prophet has been chosen, and as soon as she has a doll, she will bring about his birth.

_ MCNAMARA notices his suit is falling appart, pieces of it start loosening off him. _

WILEY & SNIGGLES

You opened the box

A doll came out

WILEY

And he'll touch down soon

To erase any doubt

That is all you need

To fill your heart

WILEY & SNIGGLES

Now the end is nigh, the apocalypse here

WILEY

In a package that preys on the worst of your fears

The gambit is done

A work of art

That was made in America

In a valley of silicon

_ We see XANDER and SCHAFFER again, in the PIEP H.C. _

SCHAFFER, spoken

Sir, do you copy?

MCNAMARA, spoken

Copy, General Schaffer.

XANDER, spoken

John, your time is up! Come back to the portal right now!

MCNAMARA, spoken

Return is no longer an option for me. I'm already feeling my body beginning to dematerialize. My spirit will be absorbed into the Black and White. I’ll do what I can from here.

XANDER, spoken

John, NO!

_ Lights down on the PIEP H.Q., as XANDER's scream fades into the music _

WILEY

We're all made in America

In a valley of silicon

_ The song ends with MCNAMARA taking off the helmet of his suit. Lights down _ . 

**SCENE 8**

_ We are back in the P.E.I.P. headquarters. XANDER is kneeling on the floor, head in his hands. SCHAFFER is visibly distraught, but trying to keep level headed. _

XANDER

What do we do now?

SCHAFFER

There's nothing else we can do besides deploy the nuke. We have our orders. 

XANDER

What about John, he’s still in there— 

SCHAFFER

He’s gone. The only way to honor his memory is to kill Wiggly.

_ Her voice breaks, and she discreetly wipes away a tear, before she turns to SAWYER in the corner and nods at them. Xander stands up, wiping his tears as well. _

SAWYER

Deploying the nuclear bomb! It is entering the black and white. Detonation in 5, 4, 3, --

XANDER

Merry Christmas motherfucker!!

_ He angrily flips off WIGGLY, wherever the hell he is. _

SAWYER

One.

_ Nothing happens _ . 

SAWYER

Did it go off? Where’s the explosion? Shouldn’t we be hearing an explosion?

WIGGLY

Uh oh, Mrs. New Genewal. It seems you’ve misplaced your bomby-wom. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll turn up somewhere. 

SCHAFFER

What do you mean you son of a bitch?

_ The SARGENT comes on stage, hurriedly _ .

SARGENT

Colonel Schaffer. We’ve just received a message from the Pentagon. There’s been an explosion on the Eurasia continent. 

SCHAFFER

What?

SARGENT

Moscow is gone, mam. 

XANDER

Christ, the Russians had another portal!

WIGGLY

I have fwendy-wends all over the world. When my uncle Wiley told the Russians about America’s new toy, they just had to have one of their own. 

XANDER

He knew. He wanted us to send in the nuke. He took the bomb and pushed it into the Russian’s portal. He baited us into World War III.

_ WIGGLY laughs _ .

WIGGLY

That tickles. 

_ That makes SCHAFFER finally lose her composure. _

SCHAFFER

How could I have known? How could I have known there was another portal? There were two doors, two doors, not one! 

XANDER

General, I think we should go meet the President. Prepare him for whatever's to come…

_ SCHAFFER takes a breath to calm down, then she nods. They exit, the lights go down. _

WIGGLY

Thank you so much for sending those nice pwesents to me, Genewal. I can’t wait to visit your home. 

_ WIGGLY giggles. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!   
> This is my first time writing in script format, so any and all feedback on this experiment will be highly appreciated!!!  
> Also, did you cast someone in your mind as Sawyer and/or sargent? I'd love to hear it!


End file.
